All Aboard

The train has already left the platform. No reason to stick around hoping it’ll come back for me.

No. No. I’m on the train?

Fuck it all. I’m not ready for metaphors right now. Whether trite or not.

But that’s what it was. A big ‘ole train heading for a big ‘ole mess.

And I’m thinking. How did it come to this?

How did this happen?

I’m dumbly blinking. Confused. I look like a moron.

But we’re here anyway.

This happened all too quickly for me. I wasn’t ready. Unprepared. Months from now, maybe. Not now. Not now. Please. Not now.

And whatever you think of me. Whatever malice/indifference/anger you think I have.

It’s something entirely different, baby.

Fear laid bare. There is no cover. There is no resting place. No nook for me to hide.

Just a vast landscape. And I’m all alone there. Here.

This was supposed to be “things I miss”. And maybe it still is.

This train is picking up speed and right now I have as little idea of where I am let alone where I’m going. I need only look back.

And I cry.

I lay in my bed and I cry.

That all seems so far away. Lost to me now.

The moments I need you the most.

And I’m throwing sarcastic quips. And you’re nodding in response. You take as evidence of my unchanging identity.

I need you right this moment.

But you must have gotten off at another station.