I wasn’t going to comment on this issue again so soon. The voting in Maine slightly irked me but I wasn’t really that bothered. However, then I was flipping through emails and found an invitation to this online town-hall where conservatives were answering questions from voters about the proposed “Obamacare” legislation.
I was about to delete it since I don’t participate in dumb meetings. However, when looking through the list of participants I saw some folks from the “American Family Association” were to be in attendance.
Rolling my eyes I decided to Google them.
This crap is finally starting to wear on me. It’s hard enough these days to support individual liberties over an ever-growing, ever-indebted, and ever-incompetent centralized government. Constantly being told that I’m a racist, an elitist, and entirely uninterested in the lives of regular Americans.
But really? I am feeling less and less interested in fighting with/for people who expressly view me as a threat to their way of life. They believe that old Jeffrey and I, all shriveled up, complaining about hemorrhoids, and filing a joint tax statement will infringe upon their dysfunctional marriages with anorexic children and philandering all around.
Here I am on the front lines. Living amongst the “enemy” constantly trying to explain why less government will allow us to live as we like. To take personal responsibility.
But I’m beginning to think that’s a lie. More and more, modern conservatives are fighting for a world that looks something more like Dubai than a Lockean paradise. A place where every person is free to do as they wish with their money. No one will tax us or burden us with regulation.
But at home we’re all being watched. We aren’t allowed to pray as we like, fuck as we like, ingest substances as we like, criticize as we like, or think as we like.
What’s strange is how counter-intuitive this all is. How can we fight for economic and health-care independence but then change the rules on other issues?
It’s a bit frustrating for me. I’m not sure where I’m going on the political spectrum these days. Actually I probably am not moving at all, I’m just more aware of how far away the main political parties are from where I stand.
Let’s say this, Republicans. You just lost a vocal supporter. I’m willing to vote for you in private but I’m not going to be your little silly fag foot-soldier. Not until you realize that freedom needs defending. And freedom does not fit into little boxes.
I hate admitting errors but over the last months I’ve realized I wasn’t entirely correct vis-a-vis one particular political viewpoint. In the United States we seek balance. Executive vs. Judicial vs. Legislative and all that. And this Madisonian viewpoint is the most beautiful political vision ever brought to life.
But there is one aspect of it, which I have been neglecting of late. And that is the concept of temperance. In the Senate, most votes come down to “simple majority” but because of the need for “cloture” this number becomes 60 when the topic is very important (aka important to lots of people in the Senate).
Why is this? The founders believed that the mob is a very dangerous thing and should be kept in check at all times. This kind of thinking protects the minority against the whims of the general populace.
Who is this minority? It can be anyone. It can be the poor, the wealthy, racial minorities, religious minorities, etc.
An additional concept, which I have had to deal with lately is this “Declaration of Independence”, which is a document I rarely return to since it’s not within the legal framework of the United States, per se. However, it seems to hold great sway over people due to its’ “inalienable” rights clause. Which is to say that there are some rights, which (insert higher power here) hath given us by nature.
As I’ve delved into this issue I have realized that my true problem with the current debate over “gay marriage” is more about this latter point than the former. I find that I now agree with many activists in saying that a simple majority of citizens should not be able to dictate marriage law. This is similar to how I think a court should also not be able to dictate this without clear precedent (aka they should not use extended and torturous reasoning).
I take issue with the concept of natural rights.
Yes, please all liberals and conservatives will now hate me. That’s fine.
Natural rights are just some stupid idea that YOU have in YOUR head. And I might disagree. There is no actual set of rights that we all actually have and merely “discover” and then right the laws to agree with these truths.
No.
Rights are things that humans come to agree upon in the course of time. Women simply did not have the right to vote before 1920. There wasn’t some special right in the sky, which said women could vote, and then human’s finally discovered it. No, humans decided that it would be a right because of the arguments made by suffragists and the changing of the times.
I know that sounds very unfair and not very nice.
But that’s how society functions. Mores and rules and expectations change with time. The US Constitution provides a framework within which we can apply those changing viewpoints.
So, in conclusion I was wrong. As in the Senate, when considering issues of great importance we cannot allow simple majorities to make decisions. However, I also do not believe in immutable truth. We decide the truth on a daily basis and it changes as we change.
I think this is why I never feel particularly strongly about any civil rights issues. I’m not filled with a sense of truth about “rights” at all.
The train has already left the platform. No reason to stick around hoping it’ll come back for me.
No. No. I’m on the train?
Fuck it all. I’m not ready for metaphors right now. Whether trite or not.
But that’s what it was. A big ‘ole train heading for a big ‘ole mess.
And I’m thinking. How did it come to this?
How did this happen?
I’m dumbly blinking. Confused. I look like a moron.
But we’re here anyway.
This happened all too quickly for me. I wasn’t ready. Unprepared. Months from now, maybe. Not now. Not now. Please. Not now.
And whatever you think of me. Whatever malice/indifference/anger you think I have.
It’s something entirely different, baby.
Fear laid bare. There is no cover. There is no resting place. No nook for me to hide.
Just a vast landscape. And I’m all alone there. Here.
This was supposed to be “things I miss”. And maybe it still is.
This train is picking up speed and right now I have as little idea of where I am let alone where I’m going. I need only look back.
And I cry.
I lay in my bed and I cry.
That all seems so far away. Lost to me now.
The moments I need you the most.
And I’m throwing sarcastic quips. And you’re nodding in response. You take as evidence of my unchanging identity.
I need you right this moment.
But you must have gotten off at another station.
Instead of studying today (I did some of that, I guess, but never enough) I was naval gazing on Facebook. Just flipping through old photos of me. There were two things that stood out. And by things I mean items.
Sure, I was younger and better looking but when you’re old that’s just how the train runs.
No no.
Things.
The first group of items I hesitate to mention because the new Jon would be very displeased to hear such nonsense. So I will quickly type them out and then leave the subject. I used to have two earrings. They’re gone now.
Good or bad?
Moving on.
The second item is one of great importance.
When I was young, smart, and bratty I used to be able to barter grades for presents. And after Sophomore year of high school (I’m pretty sure that’s right but the receipt is at my parents house) my dad had to pony up and buy me some presents.
What I didn’t know then was that what my dad would buy me would be one of those things that takes on a life of its’ own.
I had never really had a watch of any value before. G-Shocks and Casio’s with calculators and all that jazz. But I was graduating to a Swiss Army.
Okay. So it was only a couple hundred dollars. It was a quartz watch. It was only water resistant to a couple hundred feet.
Fine fine.
But it was stainless steel. And it had a scratch resistant face.
And it was mine.
My father often tells a story about how his dad bought him a watch when he graduated from college and that this watch saw him all the way through medical school and some of the hardest times of his entire life.
This little Swiss Army watch had that same value to me.
I came out with it. Had my first kiss with it. I took the SAT’s, MCAT’s, and every other test of my college career with it.
That little fucker was a tough sucker. Of course during the last year it finally started to “go out” on me. The entire circuit board died and had to be replaced for a handsome sum. And the font for the date was never right again. The wrist-band was also starting to come apart and was going to require some new pins. Further, the clasp was starting to bend and not click together super well.
I moved into my new apartment with it.
And then promptly lost the damn thing.
I have no idea where my little watch is. Please universe! Help me find it! I don’t even want to wear it. I just want to have that part of me back. It has more personal value to me than any of my computers or other valuables.
Whenever I see other people with watches I just sit and sigh. I think about my Swiss Army and how I miss it.
Help!?
Oh I dunno. There’s a lot of shit floating around right now. A lot of thinking. Never a good sign.
I tried to play it off all strong-like. After all, what’s the alternative? Right? This is how life goes. It moves and flows and changes direction and pace.
I’ve been telling him this for years. He’s gotta go. Go where the opportunity is. The only other option is regret. Regret of everything that wasn’t done. Wasn’t achieved. Wasn’t worked for.
But really. I’m not sure what two years is really like. I haven’t a single clue. I have no idea what I’m talking about. Do people really do this? Is it possible? Is it worth it?
The truth is that there really is no other alternative. We won’t be like “them”. Constantly chasing each other around to the far corners of the country just to be together. We share each other’s lives but we aren’t symbiotic.
Still.
You have to go. I know that. I won’t lift a finger in protest. You know that. I have too much love to stop you.
But I am sad. I don’t know what it really means. And I don’t know the consequences.
There are more pressing matters, like exams and signal-transduction.
But not really.
